I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
