im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
