his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
