I wanna bring you to show and tell
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
