my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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