Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
