Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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