I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
