chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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