How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
