Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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