Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
