Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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