I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
