You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
