i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
