you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
