I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So apparently I’m into choking now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
