Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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