big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
