Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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