somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
