my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
