Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
