dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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