If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
