I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
