WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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