i just google imaged poop.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
