I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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