come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
