I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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