Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Are my feet made of real feet?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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