You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
