Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
