He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
