My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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