just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
