Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
