The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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