I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
