I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
