you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
