so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
