why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
