My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
