when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
