I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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