Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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