It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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